How to evaporate: A guide.

1. Cut yourself in half
Bury one half deep inside the other.
Hide it so well, even you have trouble finding it.
You may feel him clawing at you from the inside,
trying to rip you open.
Ignore it. This is a common side effect.
If he starts to slip out, it’s because he’s hungry
and you must feed him.
Feed him the parts of you,
you don’t need anymore, little bits at a time,
until slowly until he consumes you.

2. Let people feast their eyes
at the holes you’ve clawed with your own fingernails
the slices of red and purple.
When they ask about the bandage on your wrists,
or why you look so tired:
Look them in the eyes,
and say “I’m fine”.
Even you know you’re not fooling them.
Even they can see the dark pits cemented beneath your eyes.
Anyone can see you’re withering away.
Your body is betraying you,
Eating itself.
Still, you put on a convincing performance.
You’ve gone on auto-pilot,
A mannequin of yourself.
Leave behind
The pieces of you,
in a trail leading to a brick wall.

3. Do not speak
Your tongue,
trapped in your mouth,
is better left soaking up words unsaid.
If you must use words,
you may put them on paper,
Write them on your thighs.
But your mouth must stay closed,
For if it opens up,
an ocean will spill out
and you will surely drown.


4. You live in a state of extremes.
Do not let it show.
You are swinging out of control
in a complete state of calm.
Like a pendulum
sitting in on an office desk
quietly clicking back and forth.
You are a walking oxymoron,
You live in a state of hyperbole.
Binging
or shrinking.
Cringing
and sinking.
Feeling.
Feelings, they stay inside.
The critters in you,
will eat through them until they reach bone.
You will chip away from the inside out,
deflate like a balloon.

5. Art, is your only vice.
Lock yourself in your room and splatter paint all over the walls.
Scribble angry letters to be left unsent.
Claw at the walls
and write ugly words on the mirror.
Remember that art is like blood.
Thick, colorful, real.
Remember that Art is the only way to be whole,
To be holy.
Remember that art is not simply
paint and journal entries.
The art of destroying yourself,
is addictive.
Proceed with caution.


6. Do not mourn the loss of your future
first love.
To be completely alone is to be
transcendent.
You have nothing keeping you here.
If you let yourself go,
you’ll float away with the tide.
Deteriorate.
Disintegrate.
Evaporate.


7. If you catch a glimpse of the
withered, empty creature
in the mirror.
Turn away and never look back.
Because, if you look at him
he may stare back and ask
“Was it worth it?”.